Up for Air
by Catty Engles
Summary: Raven locked up her emotions and threw away the key. She condemned herself to indifference, until one day she stumbles upon an idea that is a desperate gamble to recover her old life. A desperate and dangerous gamble.
1. Oblivion

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Up for Air  
By: Catty Engles**

Raven receded farther into herself. Levitating a foot off her bedroom floor, she slowly released any grip on reality she had and immersed herself in her mind.

Reaching farther than before, she felt a rare pleasantness, not happiness, no, that was too strong, but a content feeling that she was getting better. Grasping the edges of her mind and taking them under control was becoming easier, and she noted that even before a minute of meditation passed she became unaware of her surroundings.

Yes, her mindscape, devastated and desolate as it always was, looked blurry but well enough in focus, and she had not even touched her meditation mirror. She was through with shortcuts like those, her emotions had been absent for years now and she knew she was on the brink of sealing them away forever. Soon the world would be safe.

With slight effort she sent her soul self skittering along the perimeters of her thoughts, sealing them into a circle of protection and began her chant, "Azarath Metrion Zynthos." She slipped farther inside herself, and an easy floating feeling overcame her as she repeated her mantra, letting the continual pattern of syllables sooth her.

The suspended feeling was akin to the sensitivity right before slipping off to sleep. Raven didn't ponder the thought for long, only after dismissing the feeling as a sensation rather than an emotion, which could, as she knew from experience, easily get out of hand. Not enjoying, no, never enjoying, but tolerating it, she continued to chant and exercise her control.

_Strange that this has never happened before _Raven briefly touched on the thought then pushed it away, resuming her concentration. The "sensation," as she was sure it was, ebbed and flowed like the tide and her mind was caught up in the wavelike motion. Peaceful, she let slip her guard and surrendered to it, and stopped chanting

Now beneath the sensation, the atmosphere was muffled as if she was suddenly coaxed underwater. Raven felt the descending shift and submitted to the pull, sinking slowly downward. As she sank the scant light in her mindscape was replaced with a balmy glow emanating from below her. The light seemed to be the origin of the pull and with detached interest; she let herself be led to it.

Raven hovered in front of the source, her soul self's eyes wide. A dark presence threw a shadowy translucence over a warm ball of bright colors. She knew without knowing that these were her emotions, locked away and thrown to the bottom of her metaphorical sea, Raven had found them again. Her mind granted that there were the manifestations of these emotions, however annoying they were, that popped up once every so often in her mindscape, reminding herself she owned them, but these…

They were raw and piercing, brash, loud, and virulent. They were so real, almost tangible, that they had taken on colors and shapes, and if Raven listened hard enough, sound. She squinted at them, so used to dull and monochrome life was she that these were an unexpected intrusion. She gazed at them entranced for a moment longer before the hunger set in.

Her cold and emotionless body was a hard shell of the lusty young girl these emotions presented to her. She _was_ them, but _wasn't_ them at the same time. Raven swayed, hungry for them after so many years, she had never asked where they were or how they got there, taking for granted that they were gone and hadn't come back. She reached for them in her mind and they churned faster underneath the encompassing shield of darkness she had locked them away with.

Raven wanted them. With the last vestiges of expression that was left in her body, she craved them. To feel again? To react again? To live? Raven almost cried out in need, but caught herself in the middle of trying to revoke the magic that held them at bay. Instead she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She felt a power from these emotions, one she wanted to possess so badly. She raked in a breath, filling her lungs and focused. Her soul self worked quicker and faster, spreading thick and wide across the expanse of Raven's mind. She toiled to create a stronger protective circle, kneading her power into slits and crevices that would have otherwise gone unnoticed for a spell lacking the gravity of this one.

Raven sucked in more air, trying to calm her fluttering heart. Being so near her emotions must have had some unforeseen effect on her. Their vitality seemed to lend themselves to her magic, enhancing her ability and strengthening her resolve, she _needed_ these integral parts of her _back_.

An idea had occurred to Raven a long time ago. Why condemn her emotions instead of her father? Why sacrifice her life in favor of her mind? Now she was willing to take the risk that the rational Raven (who was not standing a foot from her old life) decided against. She would lock her father in her mind and set her emotions free.

Raven would not wait for preparation, in a way, she had been preparing for this the whole time she had suppressed joy, anger, love, sadness, envy … She had conditioned herself for control and her mind was like a vault that she was just now peeping into.

Completing the protective layer of magic that bounded her entire consciousness, Raven's soul self tucked her legs under her and meditated. Brief flares from the ball of roiling emotions next to her, sensing their impending escape, punctuated the act. Raven ignored them for the last time … she hoped.

Taking one final deep breath, she rallied her strength and began to chant again, "Azarath Metrion Zynthos."

Nothing.

Then…

Pain rippled up her body, contorting it into shapes unnatural and indescribable and still her concentration never wavered. Only a scream ripped itself from her mouth. Her features were distorted with the agony that convulsed her body, sweat ran down her tortured face-

and then it changed.

Anger took the place of pain and both left her panting on the floor, torn from meditation but grasping onto the last shred of consciousness. Only long enough that her ravaged body, in its own form of denial, rejected recent measures. This demonstrated itself by retching and a few dry heaves.

Then Raven rolled away from her mess, already unconscious but smiling.

Happy …

* * *

Who would think _I_ would write a Ravencentric fic, certainly not me, but there it is. Not a one shot-chapters of 5-10 range. Thanks for reading, is greatly appreciated, reviews warrant ever greater appreciation. 


	2. Amusement

_Grumbumble_ (I'm using your way of responding to reviews! Thanks for reading, accidentally deleted your last e-mail, resend please? Ravencentric weird for me, but coming along nicely, thanks for all the comments on my writing, keeps the morale high) _Pyrokinetic Demon_ (Thank you, I hope it's a major hit too) _Corrosive Fate_ (Flatterer! But thank you, I worked hard on that scene and it came out just right, thanks for commenting) _Ninjamonkey_ (Thank you, I did) _Bluerose- S.S_ (Nice to hear from you, it was a great first review for this story!)

**Up for Air  
**By: Catty Engles

_**Amusement **_

Sunlight pricked Raven's eyelids and she groaned, the noise grating on her ears. She rolled over, massaging at the knots in her back. What had she been doing to deserve this? Annoyance pinched her features as she found herself lying on the floor at the foot of her bed rather than in it.

She pitched to her feet, pawing at her hair and stumbled to the window, ripping away the curtains. Bright and cheerful yellow rays bounced around the room playing foil to the dreary objects that inhabited it. Raven blinked noncommittally and yawned loudly, feeling happy to be up later than her normal dawn appearance. For once she had slept in and it felt nice.

She turned around, her eyes first resting on a pile of laundry and self-loathing of her inclination to procrastinate inched in on her thoughts. Grumbling, she stomped over to the clean laundry and scanned the room for a hanger hoping she could save herself the long trip to the closet. Instead she discovered a pool of vomit lying next to the place she woke from.

Just seeing the cold mass made the bile surge through her stomach and she dry gagged once before regaining control. What had happened? She pondered this on the way to the bathroom to collect washcloth, bucket, and soap. I'm not hung over. She needled her forehead, trying to remember last night's events.

Blank. Nothing. She did meditate… She re-entered her room and began cleaning up her mess. Though her powers were definitely having an on night, she was having more trouble controlling her emotions…

Her emotions…

Her knees gave out, suddenly weak by her revelation. She had been angry, annoyed, joyful, and grateful all in the recent three minutes and nothing had blown up or been thrown into a swirling vortex off to Hell. How…? Raven didn't dare to believe, but… there it was again! Denial, hope, anticipation… She was reacting naturally to her surroundings! Wonder, disbelief, joy, happiness, exultation!

She sang, loud and raucous. She cried, heavy and sobbing. She smiled and frowned and laughed and yelled and pulled faces, did jumping jacks, turned cartwheels, and still everything was intact! She had emotions and she wasn't afraid to use them!

When the door burst open and her friends came pouring in, varying degrees of alarm registering on their faces she yelped then shouted for joy, returning Starfire's bone-crushing hug for the first time each ton/inch that the Tamaranian administered. She kissed Beastboy full on the lips and Robin on the cheek and since she couldn't reach Cyborg she pumped his hand up and down harder and harder. Laughing, crying, swirling, and rejoicing, Raven fainted, falling into Beastboy's arms in the hallway, a huge smile still on her lips.

Shocked silence.

"Okaaaaaaay … Who ordered the freaky mystery Raven in a box?" He was smiling, but disturbed.

"Knock it off Beastboy, we've got to get her to the medical bay." Robin touched his cheek. "Something is _definitely_ wrong with her."

"I am not so confident. There may be in actuality, something _right_ with our Raven." Starfire brushed two fingers against her friend's cheek, concern tightening her face.

"Um, getting, hmrph, heavy." Beastboy staggered a little, trying to shift Raven to an easier position to hold. Cyborg relieved him of her and with a little murmur of reassurance; he carried Raven to the medical bay.

Starfire latched herself onto Robin as they followed a few steps behind Raven and Cyborg. Beastboy lagged before licking his lips and tucking his hands deep into his pockets and shuffled along behind the team.

For the second time in so many hours, Raven found herself wondering what she had done to make her body protest to the simple act of opening her eyes. She didn't make any noise, but lay in bed calmly watching the ceiling and processing her memories.

The same rush of joy ran through her in shudder as she re-experienced the emotional epiphany. She could _feel._

Her face scrunched up, she could feel physically and her senses were slowly returning to her as if through rush hour traffic. _Why do they call it rush hour? Nobody moves hence nobody rushes. Maybe it's because everyone _would_ rush if they _could

Raven blinked. _Did I just think that?_

Her previous mindset was geared to all things dark and dreary. Nondescript ramblings of the meaning of life and impassionate dark inclinations towards death and destruction. None of this unintelligible drivel she had caught herself red-handed in.

To remedy the lost situation she closed her eyes again, trying to find just what had happened to her and why she could suddenly smile without something nearby imploding. What she found were boundless limits on her mind, but something was missing. She had no restraints, no scruples, and her consciousness was only limited to the here and now, no dark musings of the underworld, but merely a happy medium of both.

_A balanced diet_

Raven smiled. She just did it again and for some bizarre reason, she didn't really care.

Raven opened her eyes once more, now focused and surer of herself; she took stock of her surroundings. Starfire dozed next to her in a chair, her head on her shoulder and her eyes fluttering in a light sleep. Beastboy on the other hand was dead to the world; his head slumped on her mattress and his hand in a loose grip on hers. He snored, but his head was turned the other way so she couldn't see if he drooled.

_Blackmail_

Raven caught herself thinking trivial thoughts again, but this time they amused her rather than alarmed her. She liked being amused and tried it again, smiling wider at Beastboy's fatigued form. _Amused _She labeled the emotion, bubbly and warm, but tight and expectant as well. _Amused _She thought again, storing the knowledge in a file somewhere in her suddenly undisciplined mind.

"Raven, I am glad you have discontinued your dreadful sleep for the time being. Please do not recommence it, but stay conscious once more." Starfire looked worried but smiled, tilting her head to the side. She had evidently woken from her doze.

Raven turned towards her friend, "Don't worry, Star, I'm back. How long?"

Starfire, catching her drift, said, "Thirty-two hours of fitful slumber and maybe an hour or two of fitful wakeness. I do not believe you were lucid as you did not act as your logical self, either laughing or crying when one of us talked to you." She did not look scared, just oddly put out at Raven's sudden change. _That's the longest time I've ever gone without meditating. Guess a lot of things will be different now-_ if _this is permanent._

Raven smiled weakly and Starfire sucked in a breath. The Tamaranian threw a swift check of the state of objects in the room. Finding no sign of destruction imminent or prior she turned back to Raven, her confused face more pronounced. "Raven, you smiled."

"And the weird part is, I like it." Raven grinned, she felt amused again and Starfire's face did nothing to help banish the feeling- not that she wanted it banished, it was just habit. "Something's happened to me," Raven scooted up in the bed, the last clinging vestiges of sleep shaken off by the sudden motion, "I'm different inside. Not restricted at all, just _normal. _Like you or Beastboy or anyone. Starfire, I can _feel_."

"Magnificent!" The sentiment did not carry the usual hundred-watt joy that Starfire generally shown with but was breathy and half-hearted. Raven didn't have time to question her friend because Beastboy snorted and then jerked up, frazzle haired and dull eyed, but that changed as soon as he saw Raven awake.

"Welcome back to the land of the living! Sorry, I don't have a brochure on me." He beamed, sitting back in the chair and letting go of her hand. One side of Raven's mouth puckered into a half-smile.

"I shall alert Robin and Cyborg of your recovery." Starfire floated out of her chair and then flew to the door, opening and shutting it carefully before hurtling down the hall in search of her teammates.

Raven smiled at Beastboy and he blinked. He thought, _this will take some getting used to_.

* * *

Not the best spot to cut it off but what am I _supposed_ to do? So, Raven has recovered her emotions, guess what havoc they will reek in coming chapters! Thanks for reading, please review! 


	3. Gratitude

_Iamhollywood _(always nice to hear, thank you ;)

**Up for Air  
**By: Catty Engles

_**Gratitude**_

Beastboy jumped up and cracked the curtains as the sunrise was just fading from the horizon.

"You sleep like the dead, c'mon up and at 'em, the early bird gets the worm!"

"Not much incentive for me to get out of bed then is it?" Raven groaned and turned away from the light, her head was not clear, it seemed like it had been stuffed with cotton.

"Ha ha! Cracking jokes, _our_ Raven? You really are different." Beastboy plopped back down on the chair staring at Raven with unwavering concentration that only lasted for a moment or two (C'mon, I mean, it's BB).

"_Something's_ different, I don't know, there's a free feeling inside-"

"Whoa, whoa, save it for the briefing. Commando Robin will want to hear the whole story when he gets here." Beastboy smiled again, he had interrupted Raven, and she hadn't induced any bodily harm on him, this day was looking up. "In the mean time," He scooped up a cup from the nightstand blowing on the warm brown liquid inside, "Coffee?"

Raven leaned forward to take the proffered cup, smirking, "You're guess is as good as mine. Starfire's cooking?"

"Actually no, Robin's."

Raven sniffed the concoction warily, "Really, I'd have credited him with enough skill to work a coffee machine." She took a cautious drink and grimaced, placing the cup on the nightstand again, "Anyway, since when does Robin cook?"

"Since you became "indisposed" and he couldn't swap dish duties with me." Beastboy broke eye contact with her becoming suddenly entranced with the clock next to the bed.

"Wait, I'm the sick one, what makes you unavailable?"

"I, uh."

"Friends, our meeting can commence presently, I have located Robin and Cyborg." Both boys and Starfire filed into the room and arranged themselves around Raven's bed.

"First thing's first." Robin stepped up to Raven's bed and hugged her. Shocked, Raven returned the embrace after a moment's hesitation. Cyborg, Starfire, and Beastboy all took their turn as Raven's new emotions made her head whirl. There was amazement, then gratefulness, acceptance, joy, and an altered appreciation for her teammates. She also noted that no sudden transfer of memories or impending events flashed before her mind when her skin met one of the others'. _So maybe I'm not even an empath anymore_.

This new thought brought on more emotions that she hadn't even begun to process when Robin took command again. "We've been worried for you, Raven. We're glad you're back."

"Feeling's mutual." Was all she could murmur, still dazed.

"Next order of business. What happened?"

_What _did_ happen? _There was a gaping blank space in her memory that she couldn't account for: from right after the beginning of her meditation session to before she woke. "I'm not exactly sure…" She explained to the Titans what had transpired two nights ago, at least, all that she could remember.

"And now you can have emotions and can use them without danger to anyone or thing?"

Raven nodded. Robin had crossed his arms. She could see the muscles in his jaw clenching. Cyborg had sat down, his head in his hands, one slowly massaging his temples. Starfire had a comforting hand on his shoulder but she was looking at Raven blankly like she didn't recognize her.

"There is no danger in making you laugh anymore?" Starfire queried.

"No, nor is there any in making me angry." Raven confirmed, still in bed, her hands folded quietly in her lap.

"Now, I wouldn't go that far. You're still the same Raven." Beastboy piped up from his corner. He had stood next to her during the entire telling, silent for once in his life, until now of course.

Cyborg grunted in agreement. Robin shifted his weight, obviously tossing around an idea. Raven waited for him to voice his opinion, she knew her leader, he couldn't keep quiet long, not when there was a mystery at hand.

"Your powers, how have they been affected?" Raven blinked. She hadn't even considered the notion that this would change her hold on the dark forces of her demonic side.

"I…" Raven stopped, reaching inside and grasping for her soul self. She couldn't find it. She dug further, knowing that she had reached the place in herself that her power resided. "Azarath Metrion Zynthos." She said quietly, hoping her mantra could resurrect her powers.

Nothing.

Then…

On a whim, she grabbed at the blank nothingness that she had taken for a white void where her black powers had been before. The nothingness turned out to be very tangible and she threw it shoddily at the clock on her bedside table. The clock was engulfed in sparking white fire, wobbling around the table's surface. The strain was unusually strong and her concentration gave out after only a few seconds. The clock clunked down again.

There were a few moments of silence as Raven caught her breath. "Whoa…" Said Beastboy, articulating what each Titan had on their mind, including the dark girl herself.

"My powers. They've changed as well. I… I need to be alone." She made to get up. Cyborg's head jerked up from his lap and Starfire and Robin both took a step forward. Only Beastboy remained in his corner.

"Friend Raven, you are not alone and should never have to be in seclusion again. Now that you are able to express your emotions, we can be more sufficient friends to you." Starfire looked like she wanted to hug Raven again. "But if you _wish_ to be alone, we will not begrudge you your solitude." She dropped her eyes and clasped her hands in front of her waist.

"Um, I only need to meditate, nothing big. It's just easier to do alone."

"Well in that case!" Starfire's mood lightened and she took it upon herself to clear the rest of the team out of the medical bay. Robin and Cyborg went relatively quietly, but Beastboy was a whole other matter.

"Meditate?! I thought this would be the end of all that boring Buddha stuff!" He barked, waving his hands dramatically. Cyborg and Robin turned to watch from the doorway.

"Beastboy, do not compel me to administer force." Starfire warned, floating next to him with a persuasive hand on his shoulder.

"I mean, what good does sitting and chanting do anyway, other than put the rest of us to sleep by sounding like a fly caught in a screen porch?!"

"Beastboy, you are being very trying." Starfire's voice sounded strained as she pushed against him, sliding him closer to the door. But he wasn't done yet.

"You're normal now, come do normal things! Eat, chill, beat the living daylights our of mutants in Gamestation, c'mon, please, Raven, please!"

"Enough! Beastboy! Out!" Starfire plowed into him and he morphed into a gorilla, giving as good as he got. Robin, Raven, and Cyborg looked on in bemusement. Starfire gained the upper hand and drove him out of the entryway, then activated the door. It closed with a synthetic hiss, leaving the med bay in relative quiet. Only the echoes of the roiling turmoil were heard from inside.

Raven concentrated then receded into herself, chanting, "Azarath Metrion Zynthos."


	4. Anxiety

Cat o'thwind: Getting a hint of somethings? So maybe I _can_ foreshadow after all!  
Regrem Erutaerc: There will be more b/r don't worry.

**Up for Air  
**By: Catty Engles

_**Anxiety**_

Raven concentrated then chanted, "Azarath Metrion Zynthos."

Slipping into herself again, she found her mindscape relatively unchanged. It had never been a charming place before, but had been frequented by manifestations of her emotions. They were absent.

_Makes sense, they're a part of me now, not something that I try to keep at bay. _

Raven took a moment to enjoy the fact that she could be a whole new person. _But why did it happen now? _What_ happened? _She was concerned about the length of time this change would be. It seemed permanent but considering that she had no idea how it was brought on, that could be changed in a heartbeat.

Raven was momentarily at a loss as to what to do with her meditation. Normally, this would be a time of contemplation and repression. She would perfect the mask she presented to the world and shoot down any rogue emotions that were rejecting her punitive regime.

She opened her eyes, breaking off her chant and repositioning herself on her bed. As a habit, she had been levitating, but as she came out of her trance she lowered herself onto the mattress.

"If I can't meditate…"

Raven stared at her hand meaningfully, after a drawn out moment, the white fire circled it. Unlike her previous black power, this white was actually more fire-like. The black power was generally geometrical with a strict and not at all abstracted shape. The white power flickered and morphed constantly. It molded itself into the hills and valleys of her palm, ebbing and flowing incessantly. Raven concentrated then threw the fire at the clock again, extending a small bit of herself along with it.

Slower this time, she focused on lifting the clock off the nightstand. It obeyed, wobbling less, then dropped after only a tad longer than before. Frustration boiled inside her and she gritted her teeth, throwing her powers more forcefully at the clock. It rose immediately off the table and stayed hovering steadily. Raven realized her mistake by rote and squelched the heated emotion on impulse. The clock dropped. Her frustration subsided, but her wonder grew.

"Now why did…" She discontinued the thought verbally. _Why did feeling frustrated help my powers, before, any emotion at all hindered them? But that was before. Now my powers must be _aided _by my lack of control._

_No. _She chided herself. _Not lack of control, lack of restraint. _She had to _feel _to use her powers. _Like Starfire._

After a few more tries, she could sustain the clock's levitation as long as there was some emotion involved in the process. For the first time, she actually looked at the clock. 8:15. She had started somewhere around seven thirty. And she was _hungry. _Not eating for a day and a half wasn't at all enjoyable.

She exited the medical bay and swung by her room for a cape and belt that had been removed during her extended "sickness." After a quick glance in the mirror she resolved to take a shower immediately after she got some food in her. Making her way down to the kitchen nook, she lowered her hood. She had raised it on routine to discourage any contact that could provoke an unwanted emotion. That was no longer a danger.

She slipped into the dining area and made her way to the fridge. "I, uh, made you something." Raven stopped, very aware that her head was down and her butt was up as she bent over to examine the refrigerator's contents. She straightened stiffly and tucked her hair behind her ear as she whirled to face Beastboy. He had been concealed by the sofa's back, but now he was walking towards her.

He smiled as he opened a cupboard, revealing a plate packed high with, "Pancakes, for the early bird." Beastboy said amiably, producing butter, jellies, jams, and maple syrup. "I didn't know how you took them."

Raven sighed, taking the plate and placing it on the counter again, "What do I have to do to convince you that I do not eat anything cooked with soy milk or tofu?"

"Anything short of a death threat is a waste of breath." Beastboy quipped, searching for a knife for the butter, "But seriously, this is 'real' food. I made it the way you carnivores like it."

"You know, if you weren't already, I would warn you that eating so many vegetables would turn you-"

"Green, I know, it's not like I haven't heard that one before. Cyborg's said it often enough."

"I wouldn't have noticed, I don't pay attention when you two get started on your pros and cons of meat vs. tofu charade."

"Touché." Beastboy muttered. "So," He said regaining volume, "are you going to eat that disgusting slop that I toiled day in and day out over? You know, it's morally unjust to the cows that were put to hard labor to produce the milk needed for such an avoidable luxury. Such a loathsome, repulsive, sickening, lump of-"

"Could you please describe my food elsewhere? I'm anticipating eating it." Raven took the butter knife from Beastboy's hands and got to work.

"I thought you weren't _going_ to eat it."

"Well, now that you've made it such a big deal, I'm looking forward to spiting you." She grabbed the maple syrup and the plate of pancakes and made her way to the table.

"I should have known." Beastboy didn't seem spited as he happily returned the jellies and jams to their places. Raven retrieved some utensils and then slathered the pancakes with syrup proceeding to down the meal with extra appreciation.

"You did well." She said after swallowing.

"You like it?" Beastboy said, still busy cleaning up.

"I'm only saying it's not what I expected."

"From you I guess that's a compliment, although I was expecting more, since, well you know." He stopped, closing a cupboard carefully. Then slowly walking towards the table, he positioned himself across from her. Raven set down her knife and fork and reached for a napkin, momentarily debating on raising her hood. She wasn't used to confrontation, and she didn't want to start now. _If not now, when?_

Raven gulped.

"What's happened to you … well it must have changed you. I just want to say that … you're still my friend, no matter what." He shifted uncomfortably, grabbing for words, trying to fit a sentence together. "I know that you know that I am not very, um, discreet when it comes to my emotions, and you and I are very … oppositical. But now, maybe being opposites is a good thing. I mean, well … you know what I mean?"

"Seldom if ever, go on."

"Well, I, uh, want you to know, I don't expect you to change just because you can. You can still be our Raven." He bowed his head, obviously finished, but waiting for a response.

Earlier, Raven wouldn't have responded to such an emotional speech, well, considering Beastboy's vocabulary it was at least _moving_. She would have walked away, not risking any reaction, good or bad. But now she didn't have to worry, but like he said, she was still Raven. And Raven was sarcastic.

"Well, now that I have your permission." She drawled. Beastboy's head jerked up, ready for an indignant response. "But I do know what you mean for once." She said soothingly. "I'll still be 'your Raven.' Didn't Starfire say that? Where did you guys get in the habit of owning me, did I sign a release form in my sleep?"

"You, well, no. We needed a way to tell the difference between you and, um, you." Beastboy leaned his head on his hand, looking as pensive as he could.

"And 'old Raven' was too derogatory, right?" She started in on her pancakes again, glancing up to make eye contact now and then.

After a pause Beastboy said, "I don't know what derogatory means, but I'm not going to sit here and watch you eat while I starve." With that, Beastboy hopped from the table and trotted over to the kitchen nook, intent on emptying it of its contents.

"Don't eat quite so much as you usually do, I want to keep these pancakes down. Or at least eat somewhere I can't see you." Raven took another savory bite of the pancakes.

"I haven't had a good meal since you woke up, you are not talking me out of this." Beastboy grabbed at random things from both cupboards and fridge.

"Raven could talk herself out of a sunburn if she had the mind to." Robin sauntered in, holding a cup of coffee, obviously of the batch _he_ made- he grimaced every time he took a sip.

"Raven? Sunburned? I mock the day." Cyborg lumbered in at Robin's heels, a sweat towel draped over his shoulder; he had been working out.

"You'll make yourself sick, Beastboy." Raven cautioned, still picking at the remains of her pancakes.

"Oh, I can see that conversation." Cyborg said, laughing. "Starfire," He put on an imitation voice, " 'Maybe it was something he ingested.' " Smirking, the big teen continued, "Raven, 'Like that would narrow it down.' "

"Hey!"

Robin chuckled and set his coffee on the table, taking a seat in the place Beastboy had previously occupied. The morning passed quickly, with Cyborg and Beastboy jokingly making jabs at one another. Robin updated Raven on current events, the movement of bad guys and so on until Starfire put in an entrance. Robin was thereafter engaged by the Tamaranian's playful flirtations. Raven watched the display with new eyes, unafraid to put her two cents in, and rewarded with looks of gratitude or surprise that repaid her in full.

When Cyborg left, she followed him, aiming to quiz him on things Robin hadn't relayed to her.

He was heading towards his room but Raven stopped him with a light hand on his shoulder. "Can we talk?" She questioned quietly.

Cyborg turned around, smiling at Raven. They shared a bond that was different from the rest of the team's. As an unspoken agreement, they went to each other first for the unembellished truth. Raven could drop her act around him and he could relax around her. They were mutual stress relievers.

"Mmm hmm." He said and opened the door to his room, motioning that Raven should go in first. She complied, seating herself on a workbench in the far corner of the room. Cyborg threw the sweat towel in a corner then readied a plug and modem. "Do you mind if I recharge while we talk, I'm kinda low." Raven waved her hand in compliance, waiting for him to finish. When all was ready, Cyborg seated himself on his bed, "Ready. Okay, shoot."

Raven crossed her ankles and folded her hands, apparently not sure where to begin. "Wow, it's a lot different when you can _look_ nervous. I usually had an idea when you were, but now…" Cyborg smiled, his statement wasn't accusing or judging, just pointing out a fact. That's what Raven loved about their talks. Cyborg, despite his front, was a great listener and a rock of good sense. He analyzed situations in a heartbeat and pointed out solutions to problems that Raven hadn't even known existed. They talked so easily because they thought so differently.

"Cyborg, I don't know what's changed around here, but it's not just me. What happened when I was out?" She leaned forwards. "Beastboy cooked me _pancakes_- with _real milk_, what is up with that?"

Cyborg looked at her dreamily, lost in thought, but she was sure he had heard her question the smirk on his face was obvious. "Your face is so much different now that you can use your emotions."

"Um, thank you?"

"Welcome. But really, the time that you were unconscious was stressful for all of us. We had no idea what had happened, and after hooking you up to the life machines we had run out of options to help you. Everyone took it hard. I don't think Starfire smiled once, but the really strange thing is that Robin didn't notice. You know how he jumps at any chance to have her cry on his shoulder."

Raven grunted, her eyes widening.

"Robin worked out almost continually. I followed boy wonder's line of action, I worked on the T-car and a few other projects in the garage almost nonstop." He paused. "You should really come down and see how everything's progressing. I know you enjoyed it before."

It was true. Raven had developed an affinity for mechanics, not only because the concentration needed was refreshing, but also that was when most of Cyborg and her talks had taken place. _He's not telling me something. Or he's stalling; he wouldn't talk about the garage when I needed him to be upfront. _"What about Beastboy?" She asked cautiously.

"Beastboy took it the hardest." He sighed. "Rae, he didn't leave your room the entire time. We had to take up his food for him, and he didn't even eat most of it. Everyone else took turns at your other side, but Beastboy would not give up his place. Robin even went off on him, wanted to come down and do something. You know what Beastboy said to that?" Raven shook her head, entranced. "He said, 'Don't shout so loud. Rae's got it tough enough as it is.' "

"He said that? To _Robin_?"

"Kinda wild, huh?" Cyborg leaned back and looped a hand around his middle. He pulled the plug on himself.

"But… but _why_?" Raven couldn't sit still anymore. She jumped up and started pacing, babbling and waving her arms, "I don't understand. All I've ever been to him is cold and indifferent, except when…"

Cyborg was smiling as he eased himself off of his bed, "There are a lot of exceptions, aren't there, Raven?" He knelt down before her so that their eyes were level. Raven lowered her head and nodded. "You know how it's so obvious that Robin and Starfire are crazy about each other that everyone else can see it except them?"

Raven's head jerked up and she fixed Cyborg with a hard and even gaze. "I don't think I want to hear where you're going with this."

Cyborg's face was softened from its usual hard countenance, " 'Cus you already know, don't you."

"No, I don't." Raven said with an edge in her voice.

"Yeah, well ignorance is dangerous." He patted her on her shoulder and started to tinker with something on his workbench.

Raven knew that she had been dismissed, but she couldn't help shooting over her shoulder, "Yeah, well try knowledge sometime." She stomped down the hall to Cyborg's chuckles.

* * *

So… what did you think? Please leave a review, they're a big part of my motivation. 


	5. Embarrassment

_I thank you for reviewing!_

**Up for Air  
**By: Catty Engles

_**Embarrassment **_

Raven's room was pleasantly dreary as she sulked in her bed. At a time like this, beforehand, she would have meditated for a few hours and then pretended nothing had happened and gone downstairs to retrieve a cup of herbal tea. _Now _she thought that she had an obligation to think out what she should do. So far she was leaning towards meditating for a few hours and then pretending nothing had happened and going downstairs to retrieve a cup of herbal tea. She had already taken the longest shower of her life so as not to face any of her teammates before she was ready.

"Urghh, whoever thought that emotions were so hard to handle when you loose control over them?" She muttered, clenching and unclenching her fists. White sparks rippled along her hands unbidden. She blinked. _Maybe I _do _need to meditate. _She tucked her legs underneath her and began her chant.

"Azarath Metrion Zynthos." She repeated with quiet confidence. Once again she felt the frightening openness that was an inclusive turn of her strictly regimented prior consciousness. She still didn't have any emotions that needed controlling, so she took the time to think, pushing all thoughts of Beastboy's unwanted sentiments to the back of her mind. She concentrated on the miraculous events that restored to her the power to keep her emotions on a leash.

Her new white powers could only be used when her emotions were at a height. Her previous black powers could only be used when she was centered and in control. Letting go of her anger was not something she was used to, granted it had happened before, but not willingly. Only once did she remember having positive effects of letting her emotions run rampant through her and that was when she had found herself wearing a short little purple skirt that didn't suit her at all…

Raven gulped and let herself descend to her bed. If she wanted a chance at being able to have any notion of how to handle these strange new powers she would have to go to the someone who was an expert at wearing her heart on her sleeve. _I thought I'd never see the day when I'd go to Starfire for power problems._

Before she could talk herself out of it, Raven slipped off her bed and onto the floor. She walked resolutely to the door, pausing only to sigh and remember the last time her and Starfire had a serious talk about their different powers. The Puppet King, unimposing and insignificant villain as he was, had caught the team off-guard. The boys were trapped in tiny likenesses of themselves, unimaginatively, puppets, but Starfire and Raven got the worse end of the deal, in Raven's opinion. For a short time they had switched bodies and powers.

Raven and Starfire had to go through some taxing times to comprehend one another and utilize their unique abilities. Starfire's interest in Raven's meditation and emotional management was piqued and now the dark girl had been saddled with a meditation buddy. Not that she cared, sometimes she enjoyed Starfire's interest in herself. It was always nice to have a friend, but she had never returned the favor. It felt too much like prying when Starfire invited herself to join Raven's meditation, that she didn't want to have extensive talk about past events or whatever set them apart from normal people. These topics were an unspoken taboo among the friends, only Starfire didn't seem to have gotten the memo.

Raven prepared herself for some pressing questions that she wasn't looking forward to answering and walked towards Starfire's door. She found Robin leaning against the wall a big smile on his face talking to Starfire through the door. "C'mon Star, I just need to come in for a minute."

"I've told you no, Robin, I am unclothed, and in Earth culture it is not decent for you to see me this way."

"Well then, I guess I'll come back later." Said Robin, making no move to leave.

"Oh no, please stay, I am simply concluding dressing!"

"Can I come in now?"

"Please, delay your entrance for a few minutes longer! I am very near being finished!"

"Starfire, this is taking a long time, are you sure you're okay in there?" He was flirting … shamelessly.

"Yes, I am, as fit as the fiddle, a few moments longer then I will grant you ingress!"

Raven approached the bantering couple. When he saw her, Robin leapt away from the wall as if he had been scalded. He began rubbing his neck intently, looking anywhere but Raven's face, "I, uh, left a spare staff in … Star's room." He said the last bit fast and low, almost hoping Raven wouldn't hear.

"Uh huh, right." Raven said, sardonic as usual, "Star, can I come in?"

"Raven! What are you doing here?" Starfire's voice broke in surprise and Raven heard a muffled thump, then the babbling, "Oh no, I am sorry, Raven, I am in the midst of clothing, please come back at a less awkward and more appropriate time where I am not, um, not dressed, I mean to say that it would be, very difficult to conduct-"

"Yeah, sure." Raven said under her breath and pushed the button to release Starfire's door. It slid back and Starfire almost tumbled out. It was obvious that she had been leaning against it, fully clothed. She blushed a vivid red and Robin smirked complacently, Raven couldn't have that. "Do you want me to get the staff, Robin, or do you know where it is?"

Robin's face fell. There had never been any spare staff and he knew both of them knew it. He mumbled something and then strode off, offering a small wave to Starfire that she returned shyly.

The Tamaranian followed Robin with her eyes and a tiny smile on her lips. Raven hoped she could get the alien to focus, or maybe she should come back at a better time, when Star wasn't so … worked up.

It seemed Starfire would decide that for her, "Raven, you desired my presence?" She looked at her friend expectantly, a rosy blush still coloring her cheeks.

"Um, yeah, listen, Star, can I talk to you?" Raven entered Starfire's room at a wave from the girl.

"My ears are always open to you and my listening always available. What do you wish to converse?" Starfire sat on her round bed and motioned for Raven to take a seat.

Nervous, the dark girl perched on the edge of the bed, folding and unfolding her hands. Starfire watched her attentively, aware of the new emotions that Raven could portray without danger to anything or one. "You noticed my powers were different after … something happened a few nights ago?" Starfire nodded assent. "Well, I'm having trouble getting them to work right. I've been experimenting and I think I'm on to something, but I'm not sure how to develop it." Starfire cocked her head, questioning without saying. "My emotions are now the driving force behind my powers, and I thought that you would be the one to come to if I needed help."

Starfire remained silent, digesting the information. Her hand had stopped halfway in the motion of brushing a long tress behind her ear. She gazed at Raven's face for a few unbroken moments of silence before the girl started to fidget under the intense stare. "Um, Star?"

"Show me." Starfire said, lowering her hand.

"Er…"

"Exhibit to me your new powers. I wish to have the opportunity to examine them."

"I know how to use them, it's just honing them is the problem, I can't seem to-"

"Show me."

Raven was irritated. She could use her powers perfectly well; she just needed Starfire to… She wasn't exactly sure what she was expecting Starfire to do, but this was not it. "I don't think you understand," Raven said in a concentrated growl of annoyance.

"I comprehend the meaning of my words, I am not a 'ditzy klutz' as some have put it finely. _Show me._"

Still absorbing the 'ditzy klutz' comment, Raven focused her powers on a pillow near Starfire's knee. It wobbled into the air. Beads of sweat broke out on her forehead and the pillow dropped to the bed. "URGH!" Raven wailed, throwing her hands up. The pillow shot the ceiling and then regaining its temporarily suspended gravity, dropped back to earth.

"Your problem is clear, what you lack in expression you muffle with control. You deny yourself an outlet, and with the current modifications to your powers, I can construe that you necessitate only to feel fervently to release these facilities."

Raven blinked. "Come again?"

"I believe," Starfire said slower and contemplatively, "That your _new_ powers benefit from your emotions unlike your _old_ powers."

Raven blinked. "Run that by me one more time."

Starfire sighed, taking the pillow in her lap. "You did notice that the pillow gained height when you became frustrated, yes?" Raven nodded slightly. "This anomaly must be attributed to the current change of your powers. Beforehand, I believe that you had not a management over what happened when you lost control of your powers. Now, when your emotions are able to act on their own, they aid you in doing what you desire. Such as lift a pillow off my bed."

Raven blinked. "How did you get all that from just watching me once? I've thought about this for- since whenever I woke up." She had relaxed, coming to sit Indian style across from Starfire.

"It is always simpler to untie a knot if you are not part of it." The Tamaranian quoted sagely.

"So you mean, when you're not involved it's easier to solve a problem?"

"Precisely."

"Why didn't you just say tha-"

There was a pounding on the door. "Starfire!" Beastboy's voice muffled through the door. "I've got Silkie's food. Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course." Starfire chirped from her bed, flying to the opposite wall to a small pink, lacey, and fluffy cage.

Beastboy opened the door, talking while he did, "Silkster's growing that's for sure. I've added some mineral additives to help the immune system, but I don't know if I should have kept going with the- Raven!" Beastboy stood awkwardly in the doorway, a bowl of gloop in one hand, balanced on his waist and slowly seeping towards the side. He looked surprised and embarrassed, "I, uh…"

"Watch it." Raven said calmly, nodding toward the about to spill bowl. Beastboy glanced down and jumped into action, overcompensating and almost throwing the bowl out of his hands. He danced on the spot, trying to get the gloop under control. Managing the bowl, Beastboy decided it was best to rid himself of it. Puffing and smiling, he edged past Raven and knelt down before the place Starfire had let Silkie scoot around in.

She cooed and murmured to the worm-like mutant as it voraciously downed the gloop. Beastboy, seeing that Starfire had everything taken care of, sat down next to Raven. "So what are you doing in here? Any headway on the new powers? Wanna go out later? I need to get a movie. Wanna come with? We could go to the mall afterwards. Starfire, wanna go to the mall with me and Raven?"

"Oh yes, I would much desire that."

"Great! Raven?" Beastboy had rattled this off in under ten seconds. He looked expectantly and nervously at Raven.

Raven knew what she would have answered if she hadn't had these stirring emotions telling her that this outing would most likely be _fun. _New and unconventional as it was, she didn't know how to react, and out of habit she resorted to the negative, "I don't think I'll be-"

Beastboy's ears drooped, and Starfire sighed. Raven changed her mind mid-sentence, "Able to resist. Sure, when'll we leave?"

"Awesome!" Beastboy leapt up, retrieving the bowl from Silkie, who was only half finished. "Be ready at three, I'll see if Cy will drop us off."

"Would not he wish to join our outing?" Starfire put Silkie back in the cage, giving the creature one last loving pat.

"Nah, Cy's on to something with T-Tower's defense system. I haven't even gotten him to play on gameboy since earlier today."

"And Robin will come?" Starfire added hopefully.

Beastboy shook his head, halfway out of the door, "Er, I think he's bogged down with paperwork, it's not like him to procrastinate. I wonder what he was doing the whole day." Starfire colored and dropped the subject, ducking her head to avoid Beastboy seeing her blush. "Okay so, um, see you then!" He lingered in the doorway smiling foolishly at Raven then disappeared around the corner.

Starfire cleared her throat, pointedly not looking at Raven while the dark girl struggled to overcome the blush that came so surprisingly fast to her face. She was not used to emotions reigning over her, rather she used to be the one with a choke-hold on them. Cyborg's words came rushing mockingly back to her as she glanced at Starfire arranging pillows with a little smile on her face _"You know how it's so obvious that Robin and Starfire are crazy about each other, but everyone else can see it except them?" _Right now she would have gladly throttled him for making her open herself to new emotions concerning that buffoonishly lovable green shapeshifter.


End file.
